An update on hubbies progress… At last he has officially been discharged from his hospital visits, just the physio appointments to keep now, it's been a long 2 years since that horrible day I got the news he had been involved in an accident and had been airlifted to a hospital in Wales.
He is amazing, the prognosis at the beginning was not good, and the comment at the beginning was that it was going to be a very long haul recovery, starting with at least 6 months in a hospital bed. Well showing his usual determination he was home within 6 weeks, of course it was a little harder for him than he thought, he did admit that he thought he would be back at work within a few months and that was never going to happen (I didn't discouraged his thoughts, I didn't want to destroy his hopes)
Well three operations later, and very patient therapists.. And lots of pushing (nagging as he calls it) life is beginning to return to a sort of normality. He will never return to his old job, as he needed to be 100% fit for that! and well, he's nearly at full retirement age anyway.
I now face my next big challenge, the dread of him back on the road on two wheels, I know it's going to happen. Motorcycling is part of him, it's in his genetic makeup, I'm writing this listening to the sounds of machining coming from his shed, it's been like this for a couple of weeks as he enthusuasticly works on a project bike, grinding, polishing,modifying. I must admit he's working like a man obsessed, but I sit here waiting the sound of the engine bursting into life with dread… I know I can't change him, even as he lay in his hospital bed days after the accident he was talking about motorcycles to anyone who would listen, and dismissed anyone who suggested that he shouldn't ride anymore. That's my man, he was like that when I met him, and he will always be like that… Just now I need to find a way for me to cope, with that dread, that fear.
I should know better, I should accept the risk, I did for decades. The problem with a fear not materialising in those decades you become used to it and it fades…then suddenly you are back to reality with the accident. I am so relieved that he is still with me, it's as if I am having difficulty in letting him take that risk again, he might not be so lucky heaven forbid… See this is me I play this scenario over and over in my mind…
I need to stop worrying about it, stop looking at the photos and rescue footage from the helimeds, I will overcome it, I have no option, insisting that he never rides again would totally break him, he's a caged wild one and I have to let him have his freedom, his right to choose what he does… And I do love him so much :)….